Trains, Busses, and SuV'zzzz..............

Last night a few of us watched "The Shawshank Redemption" at the shelter. (I've still got a month left). It was one of the most moving films I've seen. How a person could endure so much and yet come out so un-jaded by life was inspiring. the message was about hope and how important a trait it is when everything is pointing to exactly the opposite. It's also about kharma--and how everything eventually comes around. (kind of like that song by "Ratt").

This morning, I guess it proved correct. I had just finished doing the windows to compensate for the center across the street doing my laundry, and as I was walking away.....I saw two mexican men sitting on the sidewalk. Thirsty for some orange juice, I asked one of them if they had a dollar or two.....which they reluctantly gave me....well, I felt guilty about it, but not enough to return the money. I figured they would probably tell me to keep it anywaY. So, I went to the donut-line and got my daily 3, and headed for the roach coach outside the Ernst and Young bldg. to buy my much anticipated Mango Nectar. the latin-looking guy at the "meals on wheels" type fast food thing reluctantly (there's that word again) motioned for me to put the dollar on top of the cooler and get my own mango nectar juice thing--which I had no problem with--after all it was only a dollar, and I ended up buying 2 of them---as opposed to one o.j.

Anyway, I went back to the center where all the homeless people hang out during the day because I was going to wait for my laundry...and use their phone to make a few calls, when I spied a magazine with one Angelina Jolie-pitt on the front. Immediately I was drawn to it like I was in some sort of trance...and, indeed, I was, for I no sooner started to pick it up, when a wave of filipino sarcasim invaded me--like a tsunami wiping out Imelda's walk-in shoe closet leaving only a pair of hush-puppies and two shelves of seaweed.

So I started to read the article describing her pregnancy, and life as one of the world's most sought-after women in my perfek "lola" accent.--those who 'knew me when" will remember I used to do a KILLER filipino grandma impersonation. It still comes in handy when I need to shake things up a bit. or to prevent boredom...or to fain knowledge of the english language. Anywhooo, I guess one of the mexican guys didn't like it, because he snatched the issue out of my hand and screaMED MINE!!!!!MINE1111 MINE!!!!!!! So I screamed back. then a black lady said she was gonna call the cops and I decided to take a bus to nowhere.

I felt like Andy on Shawshank. Why was all this happening to me? When would I get MY life back? and why the hell do I keep having problems with mexicans everywhere I go???--Hell, this guy is probably illegal anyway....So why is it I'm the one on the bus, catching an outbound train in a second, as we pass countless SUV's somewhere in the middle of nowwwwhere, UTAH, USA?

I don't really have an explanation at this point. Maybe I was just in the way--like Andy. All i really know is I will have that beach house someday. And I'll go shopping at J.Crew or the Gap like all the other women my age. I may even make first counselor in the Relief Society--if I stay in the church that long. I just need to hold it together long enough while crawling through this 500-yard-long tunnel filled with @#$$%%......until I can make it out on the other side to the cleansing rain of freedom and the money to buy my own Vanity Fair Magazine where noone will be able to bother me as I read it outloud to my cat in my Lola's accent. (and afterwards, I'll sing that song--"Signs, Signs, Everywhere are signs--blockin through the scenery breakin my mind--------do this don't do that can't you read the SI---HINES)????---to my cat as I hold it in my arms and rock it back and forth screaming as loudly as I possibly can!

Salvation Army Sunday

This morning I enjoyed one of the best breakfast's I've had in my life under a fwy overpass with around 300 other people and a cat on a leash. We had pancakes, french fries, chicken nuggets, salad, eggs, (very delicious) and kool-aid. Later, I took a ride in a van which dropped me off at a Salvation Army church meeting where I was greeted by a large Samoan woman and lots of men in recovery. I sat next to the Samoan woman during the service and she showed me pictures of her boyfriend, baby, and 4 of her cousins. In addition, she had a toy which popped up and down, and she played with ith throughout the service--causing me to crack up incessantly. She also gave me a tube of body lotion from her days at Victoria Secret, and invited me to next week's church service, which includes a going-away barbecue for the pastor and his wife. I might go. It depends on what else I'm doing.

A woman with a tatooed leg walks by...............


Anyway, I'm here at the library again. It's Sunday, still, but in the afternoon....................................................theres a man next to me playing solataire, and another on my other side doing who knows what. The man I was first mentioning is of Asian descent. Tomorrow I have an interview at Wendy's. It's at 10 in the morning. I hope I get it, except I'd rather work at an office or something. I don't like being a middle-aged fast food worker.

well, i don't know what else to talk about. I'm sure tomorrow I'll have more ideas for you. I wish I had a house.

Becky

What's Love Got to do With It

this morning I woke up feeling blahhhhhhh...I guess I had good reason, though, seeing how I'm still in my "shelter-like-state" with no one who gives too much of a hoot. So, to celebrate my misery, I told off a few people in the donut line this morning--two of them being of "African American" descent--who just about took me down...(that's when I realized there was the train stop not far which would be a better alternative for me at that point)...As I ranted and raved my opinions of homeless people while marching backward toward the train station, a tina turner song started to creep it's way slowly into my mental cavity, (and even if it didn't--it could have)...and I felt ashamed...albeit it was a delayed reaction...

Later, while walking back from the hospital where a gorgeous doctor granted my meds request, I was whistling and smiling and enjoying the sweet honeysuckle smell coming from the foilage on the sides of the streets, thanking God for being alive and promising never, ever to insult another homeless or otherwise situated person again, when a small mexican man appeared out of nowhere.

Suddenly, before I knew it, he was walking beside me with his bike. I said hello, and he asked if I wanted a ride on the back, to which I responded "No thanks, I'm a bus-girl myself." He then asked if we could get together for a while and I had a feeling it had to do with a foreigner song from the early 80's....I assured him I would not--as I was a "Mormone"--to which he then apologized for his question. He then said he wanted to get married--and I noticed a hint of desperation in his voice...I started to wonder if perhaps I was being solicited to help him with his naturalization process to become a citizen of the U.S.

I told him I just wanted to enjoy the rest of my morning--without getting married or having pre-maritial relations...he was satisfied with that, and we shook hands and went our seperate ways....which brings to mind a Journey song...

And, viola, here I am at the /sLc libraray trying to stay cool as the temperature climbs to 96 degrees--a figure that is ingrained into my mind for the rest of the day as it was announced over the intercom back at the shelter dorm around 5 times before "exit time" this morning--where I first became aware I was hungry for a doughnut....which of course led to my crappy morning.

If yu could hi to kolob....

GET ME OUT OF HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................WHERES THE BEACH??????????????.................................have I made my point?????????????

farmer's market

went to farmer's market....it was hot. met a mexican. wants to g danceing. gave hi false info on e address. i hate utah...lots of babies, kogs, and pregnancy.

Farmer's Market

I will be attending farmer's market later this morning. It's at Pioneer Park. I'm supposed to meet a friend from the shelter OUTSIDE the shelter at ten-thirty and we will go walk around th park. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....I need a life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

something's wrong with my ear

So I took a shower this morning, yah? Well, when I q-tipped my ear, I had blood on it. Also, my nose has dried blood in it. Is this a weather thing? An altitude change, perhaps? Also, my right lymphnode is swollen lately...my left, too, but not as much as my right...Fatigue is another constant...I hope this isn't the end.

The "Gay Pride" parade is going on in Salt Lake today...a lot of transvestites and gay men and women are out and about "parading" their culture around the downtown area, sporting rainbow lei's and well-done hair. There's lots of music, beer, and effeminism. I'm trying to avoid the crowds by retreating to my favorite "safety-zone," a.k.a. "the library."

In other news, I tried to have a papsmere the other day, but they couldn't accomplish the proceedure. Apparently, my lack of sexual activity makes it virtually impossible for them to get their "instruments" far enough into my cervix for a "sample." I've never had this problem before...I don't know whether it's a "Utah" thing, or lack of professionalism on their part. It was a free proceedure, though, so I had my doubts from the beginning. I still owe fifteen bucks, however, for the breast check and failed attempt at cancer-screening me.

My job hunt is slow-going. No bites yet...and the bills are piling up. Also, I have to be in Santa Barbara for a court appearance soon. While there, I will need to retreive my things from a friend's parent's home who are generously allowing me to store them in their basement. Hopefully, I can kill 2 birds with one stone in that regard...I just need to find a job first so I can buy a bus ticket or something...

Well, not much else is new...I'm probably going to pick up my reserved copy of "Napoleon Dynamite"--which I highly recommend as one of the greatest movies of cinematic history that you will ever see--and watch it back at the shelter--if the other women aren't already involved in an episode of "King of the Hill' or "Family Guy." Later, we may watch "Billy Madison"--another Giant in the annuls of Filmography--and indulge our taste for the finer things of life.

Until next time, everyone have a safe and happy Memorial Day--or Flag Day--or anti-gay-pride day or whatever day makes you happy and remember--it's not the size of the lei that counts, but the way it makes you FEEL.

Love,

RebeKAH

Come Saturday Morning....

It's still relatively early on a Salt Lake Saturday, and I'm here at the City Library getting in touch with my inner-self via this computer....So far this morning I've hung out at a food court at the local mall with another woman in the shelter who was nice enough to buy me an egg McMuffin and some orange juice. Later, we're going for a movie at the $1 movie house--known for showing 2nd/third-rate movies 2 or 3 months after they've come out at a bargain price. I think we may see "Mrs. Pettigrew" or something--(not to say that THIS movie is going to be 2nd rate)....Lately, I've been checking out videos and DVD's here to break up the boredom and monotomy and chaotic environment which inevitably happens on a daily basis at the shelter. If I'm lucky, I may get to watch it without someone carrying on a conversation about their latest fight with their boyfriend, or some other gossip at a decibel level so high it makes a Beetles concert seem like a distant murmer.

Anyway, life is o.k. for now, but it could be a lot better. I could have a place to live, and a car I like, and a job that fits me...(or one I fit into) , and a nice guy to take me out to dinner and a movie once in a while. I could have a nice group of friends that I dig being around because we all get eachother. I could be 50lbs lighter--and actually enjoy shopping because I know I'll look cute. I could have a fuller upper-lip, and straight teeth. I could be 20-something again. I could live on the beach with a family of my own and a life that would be fulfilling....

But for now, I'll have to settle for a 2nd rate movie later today, and the "chance" to job-hunt on Mon., and the "possibilty" of meeting someone, sometime, at a single's activity, or club, or as I'm walking on the beach at sunset...and "dream" of owning my own place someday where I can watch my movies when I want, with no one around to drown out the sound.