Arlene's 36th....

today is my step-sister's birthday..wherever she is. Every now and then I wonder what happened to her, where she is, who she married, how many children she had, and what she's doing for a living...I can't believe it's been 20 years already since we knew each other. The other day I was walking along the street downtown Salt Lake and that song by Greenday started playing..."When September Ends" or something like that...I can't listen to it without getting goosebumps, or crying. It is so full of nostalgia and melancholy, and every word and every note combine to create this poignantly poetic piece of music that touches my soul to the core every time I listen to it. Anyway, Arlene, your "summer" of life is ending I spose, and your heading toward Fall...maybe not as fast as me, but slowly...so enjoy the rest of your 30's...like my mom told me "they go fast." And, believe me, they do.

It's always something...

This morning while I was on one of the terminals, some guy was mumbling something about a woman's vagina, so I looked over and saw a bunch of pornographic pictures...Then, to get back at him, I asked him if he was a gynecologist. He said he wasn't, and wouldn't that require an unusually high interest in women's bodies??--I glared at him and rolled my eyes at the two women sitting next to me...He just kept ogling naked women and mumbling to himself...I had the last laugh, however, when minutes later, a security officer came over and asked to see his library card...he didn't come back.

The Osmond's are performing tonite at the Conference Center--along with the Motabs. I may go..I still feel a bit nauseated. I'm sposed to meet someone who may use me for his subject material in his art class. Still not sure if it's the right thing to do...What would Jesus do? More importantly--What would Hannah Montana do?--Even more important--is this guy a registered sex offender/escaped murderer? I probably won't bother. He sounded too sultry on the phone--which, to me, indicates a huge red flag!! Hey, I live in red flag-ville as it is. I don't need any more complications.

The library is buzzing with people today. Everyone out and about--Checking out books, DVD's, using the computers,(some illegally as we've seen), bringing their kids to hear some guy sing silly songs bordering on obnoxiousness, and generally having a typically standard Saturday in July. I could go on about the different types of people--old and young, male and female, straight and gay, black and white, or other, people who wear glasses as opposed to those who don't, men who like stripes on their shirts, fat people as opposed to thin, etc., etc., etc., but I'm too tired, and I want to sit and think about the rest of my night and where to go from here. I really hope I get a job next week--I'm talking to God here, so those of you who are still reading this, can you go watch T.V. for a minute or scratch your cat's back or water a plant or something?--anyway--It would be nice to have something to look forward to as far as getting out of this situation in the next month. I don't see how I'll ever get married or have children at my age living in a shelter and not working. So, if you're out there, o Great Creator of The Whole Universe--Grant me this wish, Please!!--and I promise, I'll never watch Family Guy ever again--o.k. maybe just once or twice a week.....and I'll forget all about Jewish men--except if--no I'll forget about them!....and I'll eat more fresh vegetables and less carbohydrates...also less candy bars. Lastly, I'll work on my attitude--and become more bubbly and cheery and stop going around singing Tracy Chapman songs...I'll stop threatening everyone with self-tatoo-mutilating-sessions that no-one really gives a shit about anyway and I'll try not to snore so loud and take my snore-away medicine that everyone gave me to keep them from beating me up. I'll also stop saying OMG!!! to all the teen-agers I see on the bus in my Moon-Unit Zappa accent from the 80's and going on and on about how angst ridden I am--when they all know I'm making fun of them and they don't think it's funny and all I"m doing is making myself look bad and risking bodily harm.

So, if you can just grant me a roof over my head--you know, God, something simple, where I can scrapbook, and egg-decorate, and watch T.V., and listen to my 80's tunes, or leave goofy messages on my answering machine--like--I don't know--something --like me torturing my cat and pretending I don't know my answering machine is on and then having the tone go off or something...Anyway, now I'm rambling and I'm remembering that guy from the start of my blog and it's freaking me out so I guess it's time to close--


So all of you who are enjoying this blog from the "safety" of your nice air-conditioned comfortable houses--have a nice weekend--or week--or month--or rest of the year--depending on when you read or finally get to this--if at all--I'll be in touch--hopefully under my own roof before too long.........

Love,

Beck

Post Pioneer-Day Blues..

Well, I managed to avoid pregnancy last night... Par for the course, some may say...but if you knew how close I actually came, you would be surprised. Take for instance the pair of naked men in diapers I happened across on my way back from the firework's at 900 South. While toasting my 1-litre-bottle of Dr. Pepper to Over-active bladder conditions, and future nursing-home living situations, we almost exchanged digits as-it-were....thus creating life-altering catacalismic cosmic-erupting, volcanic-like, nature-explosive, beyond-our-control-ish-forces, that could-have possibly creaTED A new life form down the road. (Provided, of course, we went out for at least six months to a year, saw a few movies, preferrably with Jennifer Anniston or Adam Sanler, shopped at J. Crew once or twice on a lazy Saturday, and spent a weekend out of town at some place where there was some of his friends or family close by so we could sleep in separate beds so as not to rule-out the possibility of a temple marriage.

Anyway, I made it past them, and ran all the way back to the shelter in my pink thongs, which gave me blisters on both my feet, but at least I don't have to worry about my children having loose bowels on my husband's side.

This morning I woke up tired after only getting four hours sleep. I tried to watch a movie at the "center" across the street from the shelter where everyone hangs out and does drug deals and such, but the volume was low. I was kinda making what I considered funny comments in-between as well but all the druggie men didn't think so. In addition, all the old gysers playing dominoes in the back were being loud as usual so I asked them initially in a nice way to "please be quiet"--to which an old guy with a breathing tube got all snooty and snoty with me.


...............................................................O.K....O.K.....I'll admit I threatened to pull his tube out, but, clearly, he demonstrated he was just fine when he defiantly stood up and yanked it out screaming at me something about me being a bitch or whatever....and yeah I mentioned that there was a nursing home in his future with his name on it, but I guess my being banished from the center by some dorky mexican guy in cowbow boots and a silver chain around his neck is my pennance, right?--

On a more promising note--I do have two or three --maybe even four job possibilities coming up...and if any prove fruitful, I may be on my way to renter's status before long... Wouldn't that be nice!....My dorm-mates have bought me a box of snore-away because as one woman put it--"the rumours on the street are that some of the women want to beat you up."--for snoring???--I told her I lived in Watts this past Spring, and before that skid row for a bit. I'm not afraid of a few threats from SLC shelter chix. Besides, I'm L.D.S....This is my turf.

Oh, Pres. Monson was in the parade yesterday. I caught a glimpse of his cowboy hat as he drove by waving to the opposite side of the street...

The weather is downright miserable--unless one is inside, one melts. I can't tolerate it much longer--I want it to cool down--but I don't know how I'll handle winter...I hope, if I'm still here, I'll be able to handle it o.k.

Becky

Pioneer Women Ranted and Raved Outside a Movie Theatre Across From The Shelter Where They Were Staying...or something like that.

Well, it's been a month or so since my last blog, so I thought I'd better catch everyone up on my wonderful, fabulous life. Actually, it's still about the same. I'm still at the shelter and still trying to find work. I had a few days at a day labor place where I'm registered, but that's been about it so far. I really need to find something quick--the longer I stay at the shelter and in this situation, the more discouraged I become. It's hard living in an environment where everyone is so self-destructive. Compared to other places I've been this past year, however, this is probably one of the better ones.

I made another fool out of myself tonite--and I was doing so good! Some of the girls in the shelter had free tickets to a showing to Pineapple Express at the MegaPlex across the street. I debated about going, and was late getting ready. I had a feeling I should leave early to get there on time for the movie, but ignored it and kept getting ready. Anyway, when I got there, the movie was already playing...I walked in, and said something flirty to the attendant, and he promptly told me that because I wasn't there on time, I had to leave. I argued that I had a ticket, but he said those were the rules...so I told him where to go...and what I thought of his rules...I mean, really, if I was Paris Hilton, or some cute 20 something blonde chick, I'd be there right now, enjoying the movie! It pisses me off that society bends the rules for those who "Have."

If there's one thing I've noticed this past year of being in this situation, it's the way I've been treated in regards to getting a job, getting ANY kind of housing, and even the way I'm treated as a woman. One rainy night in Sacramento this past winter, I had been walking all night because I didn't have any money for a place and I couldn't get into a shelter. I was unassuming in my disposition, and keeping to myself, and a man in a taxi at a stopsign asked me if I wanted $20.00 to "service" him, to put it politely. I told him no, but that I would report him to the cops or his boss or something like that--he had the number of his company on the side of the van. Anyway, if it was Paris.....

Well the library is closing in ten minutes. I have to go back to hell. tomorrow is Pioneer Day. I don't know what I'll be doing. I do know it won't involve megaplexes, rude male attendants that have it out for 40 something women, or taxi cab driver's that don't respect me because I'm not an heir to a hotel chain....If the chruch is true, maybe I'll have a job and a place to live in the next month..... and it won't say Salt Lake County Jail on the front door--Only Kidding???---(Pleaaasssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee God)!!!!!!!
Becky