Ode to my Uncle Greg.....

I don't know if anyone even reads my blog, but if you do--my e-mail is on hiatus for now....I have to either pay 35.00 to get it restored, or sign up for a free account on Yahoo or whatever. I may have to choose the latter due to lack of funds.

This year has been kinda difficult. I lost my job in Feb. What's new, right? Also, my uncle Greg passed away. He died on New Year's Eve, but I found out the same day I quit my job. Needless to say, the past month has been depressing and heart-wrenching to say the least. I feel like Sally Field at the end of "Steel Magnolias" when she's at the grave of her daughter--(Julia Roberts)--and she "just wants to know WHY"?????!!!!!--My uncle was still young in the modern sense of the word...if 60 is the new 40, he was about 25.....and I can't understand why it had to happen to him and why it had to happen now. He was such an acheiver. Always involved in the latest trend--and making good money at it. He always had his pulse on whatever was new, hip, cool. My brother and I lived with him when I was in 8th grade, and I came home from school one day, and he had the stereo set to KIIS FM--which was the popular station for pop music in So. Cal. It was the fall of 1980, and as soon as I walked in the front door, he said--"You gotta hear this...." That was my first introduction to Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust...." It would go on to be the most popular song at all the church dances for the rest of my junior high years, and into high school...........Greg also introduced me to James Taylor's classic--"Your Smiling Face." To this day, whenever I hear either one of those songs, I think of him.

Greg died in early winter at the end of 2008. A 2009 Spring is arriving next week. No matter how hard it is to imagine the rest of my life without my favorite uncle--I have to realize that there will be no more Christmases, Thanksgivings, or any other family gatherings with him in them....a more apt description would be--"with him HOSTING them...." Because Greg was always the one to bring everyone together for these events...I can't remember too many holidays that weren't held at his place... I always looked forward to the traditional Christmas dinner of steak and baked potato with chives--and garlic toast.....My uncle Greg was fun. He had an awesome sense of humor...but that's typical of my dad's family--of which he was the youngest. Most importantly--Greg had a way of making ME feel important--that I came from important people--he instilled a sense of pride in me about my family and myself. I was--I am--proud to be his neice. Maybe that same pride has been the reason for the problems I've had in life...but I think, too, it's been my saviour. I don't think I could've survived the past 2 or 3 years if I didn't have that beleif that I was better than whatever hellish situation I was in...that I had the ability to acheive my dreams....Uncle Greg and Aunt Kathy were there for both my high school and Junior College graduations....in fact, Greg and Kathy were the only FAMILY at my J.C. graduation--of which I earned a "Cum Laude" status--and from which, I was able to attend B.Y.U. If that same seemingly underserved stuck-up attitude that bothers people about me makes it hard to have what I want right now, I have to give myself a little credit--for it has pulled me through some extremly hard times lately--and I have to thank my uncle for that--he always said I needed more MAUXI because I was a very shy, timid teenager....what I really need is BALANCE!!--ha.

I want to write more about this wonderful man...I want to remember every good thing..every experience that made my uncle Greg one of the most influential people in my life....he was literally my second Father...though he was only 14 years my senior. When his son, Brett, was little, my aunt Tammy used to refer to ME as BRETT'S aunt because our age difference is so great. (I was 27 when Brett was born). Greg wanted kids with his first wife,Kathy, but she couldn't conceive...They tried in-vitro during the 80's, but to no avail. When he found Tammy, they had Brett almost right away...and he was the sweetest little guy!!! --he so resembled Greg as a toddler....I always loved going up to see the family during this time because I could dote on my little "nephew" for a precious few days.....now Brett is 13. He's in 8th grade, too. And I can't help feeling sad thinking about all the cool, wonderful--coming-of-age-moments the two of them will miss in the next few years. Brett, if you're reading this, know that your dad was the most loving, caring, hard-working man I've ever known. He was the coolest Uncle I'LL ever know--sorry Uncle Lou--(and uncle Ron)--you're both cool, too, but I was closer to Uncle Greg--probably because he helped raise me....and I'm more like Dad's side of the family anyway.

I'm sorry he won't be there to see Brett get his driver's liscence...or go to the Prom...or graduate from high school...get his first job...find the girl of his dreams.......................................................................................................or see his first grandchild. (I haven't heard if any of the other boys were starting families yet...so....)

There are many things he will miss....and I will miss him most at future family gatherings--weddings, birthdays, baptisms, summer-time get-togethers....................but most especially at Christmas.

Tonight I will go to my small, lonely studio apartment and put on James Taylor and cry because I know I will never see him again....but mostly because so many days went by without taking the time to try.


For those who knew my uncle--Simon and Garfunkel were one of his favorite groups--at least at one point--I think he got my dad listening to them if I re-call...

Greg--the lyrics of this song are dedicated to you---

"Time it was, and what a time it was, it was......a time of innocence....a time of confidences.....
Long ago it must be......I have a photograph. Preserve your memories......they're all that's left you........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................I love you Uncle Greg!......If there is something else after this--I hope I will see you there....

--Beck.